Me I Like Things Just the Way They Are

The lyrics before you are extracted from the forthcoming off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway production (as in, like thousands of miles and an entire ocean away and probably actually completely unproduced forever so not even in the same material realm as Broadway) production ‘Corbyn the Musical: the Musical‘, the heartwarming splendour-to-riches tale of a canny young journalist who, through an ingenious combination of nepotism, sycophancy and ideological conformity, works his way to the very apex of Britain’s world-renowned private press, along the way fulfilling his life’s dream of making a shitty vanity project for other right-wing hacks to jerk off to.

This is the story of a dream. This is a story of freedom. – JF

I like my life, I like my health,
I like my country, love my wealth
yeah me I like things just the way they are

Don’t get too hyped, I’m centre-ground
when belts get tight that’s fiscally sound
yeah me I like things just the way they are

I’m Old Labour, I’m New Labour
I’m Whatever Suits Me Labour
just so long as Tories stay in power

I’ll get quotes from pissed off MPs
who hate Corbyn but love Maccy D’s
and together we’ll keep things just the way they are

There’s nothing gets me more than seeing a member of parliament weep
that mean old Jezza’s gonna force ’em to oppose austerity
and protests are such a ball-ache, you’d rather appear on TV
where they’ve got central heating and you can sit on a settee

I like the West, I like the West
You Britain-hating terrorist
sympathisers go and hit a bong (I like the West!)

Davey Cameron, you’re the best
please don’t give your lungs a rest
from singing the national anthem all day long (God Save the Queen!)

The PM wears a proper suit
his done-up tie looks really cute
statesmanlike qualities that I look for

Corbyn’s unelectable
cause I said so in my column
yeah me I like things just the way they are

When I get mad Murdoch money imma keep it all offshore
It’s tax avoidance not evasion, bitch, it’s not against the law
or else what’d the fuckers do with it? Build houses for the poor?
I’ll hack your phone to fuckery if it gets me coke and whores

I’ll write pieces for the Mail and I’ll write for the Express
in the Guardian from time to time I’m politically correct
yeah I’m into social justice if it’s a left-winger wot dun it
and three cheers to Mr Hunt for fucking up the NHS

I like my job, I like the press
They always celebrate success
Yeah me I like things just the way they are

I hate windmills, I like my car
I like things just the way they are

So fuck off to your trendy falafel bar
Cause me I like things just the way they are.


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